i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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