it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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