so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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