I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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