i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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