the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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