Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
