Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
