Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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