who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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