You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
