I hate all girls vehemently.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Mom said you looked used
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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