You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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