Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
