So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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