so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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