Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
is it fun? or sober?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
