I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
