Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
