I need help removing her.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
