The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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