Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
