So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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