Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
