Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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