I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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