Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
