Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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