I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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