What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
