oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
