he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
