I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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