I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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