mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
