Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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