And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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