I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
