Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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