I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
