you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
