the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
