worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
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Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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