you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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