Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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