Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
