Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
