A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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