My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
