the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
