ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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