in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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