Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
