just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
