as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
