you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
