Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
