He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
