There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
