I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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