ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
