You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
