guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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