so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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