the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
