Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
