I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
