he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think pants incapable of making pants work
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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