We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Still dying that you shit outside
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
