Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
