his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
