Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
