the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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